I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
