Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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