Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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