..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
