Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
