guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
