You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
