We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
