Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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