thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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