Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
