I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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