You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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