k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
