You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
