i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
