I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
