You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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