can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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