I skipped work to stalk him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
