I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
