Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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