So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
