He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
