Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
