I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
