All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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