he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
