I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
