I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
