I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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