Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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