Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
