I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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