So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
