I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
