My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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