That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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