My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
then he tried to convert me to islam
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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