Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Enjoy the penises
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
