All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
