Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
