We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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