he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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