I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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