im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
