tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
