he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
