Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
