Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
